earlier this week i was putting the kids in the car so we could go to the library.  after i buckled nathan into his carseat, i looked up to see max sitting in the driver's seat with his hands on the wheel.  he looked at me and in total seriousness asked, "mom, can i drive?"  "um, i don't think so," i replied.  "yeah, max," chirped in emma, "you can't drive until you're 16!"  "no, emma," i corrected her. "YOU can drive when you're 16.  max can't drive until he's 21."

nathan was crying (actually, let's be honest, he was screaming like a banshee) this afternoon, and in an effort to stop the crying, max clamped a hand over nathan's mouth and scolded, "stop crying, baby!"  i have no plans of ever letting him babysit.

me: max, can you please pick that toy up for me?
max: sure
me: thanks, honey
max: mom, i'm not honey!  i'm just max!

i went out to the garage yesterday afternoon to grab something out of the car.  i guess emma hadn't seen me walk out the door because when i came back in, she was expecting someone else:
emma: DADDY! DAD - (then she recognized it wasn't daddy).  oh, it's just you.

apparently, daddy is way more exciting than mom.

emma knows she's not supposed to take the pillows off the new couch, but it's usually too irresistible for her to actually follow this rule.  yesterday i had already put her in timeout for taking the pillows off the couch, and afterwards, she was playing in the living room (where the new couch is) while i was making dinner in the kitchen.  after a few minutes she called out to me, "mom, i don't want you to come in this room.  and if you have to go up the stairs, you need to close your eyes."  i guess timeout wasn't as effective as i'd hoped.

i was taking pictures of the kids for father's day, and i had to retake all the pictures i had taken because i didn't realize i had cut off the very tops of their heads in the first photo shoot.
emma: mom, why are you taking nathan's picture again?
me: because i accidentally cut off his head in the last pictures.
emma:  YOU CUT OFF HIS HEAD?!
i was laughing hysterically while trying to explain i didn't LITERALLY cut off his head.

max and emma always get a small treat after dinner if they eat a decent amount of food off their plates.  they can pick to have an oreo, some marshmallows, m&ms, etc.  tonight max picked to have marshmallows and emma picked an oreo.  max shoved all the marshmallows (probably 4 or 5) in his mouth before emma had even started on her oreo.  emma had broken her oreo into smaller pieces and was eating it slowly.  max asked to have an oreo, and we told him "no" because he had picked marshmallows for his treat.  he looked over at emma's partially-eaten oreo, grabbed the pieces off the counter, shoved them in his mouth, and stated, "i got an oreo!"  you gotta watch out for this kid.  he is determined to get what he wants.  as my mom put it, he's a survivor! 

max LOVES to tease emma.  incessantly.  so he constantly takes toys from her and runs through the house yelling, "na na na na na na!" and laughing hysterically while emma tries to get her toy back.  he is the perfect "annoying little brother."  i've decided that living with emma and max is like living with jamie and chris: the poor little girl is minding her own business when little brother comes along with the sole purpose of driving her crazy - just because he thinks it's hilarious.  they really do love each other though, and at least i can say that my life is DEFINITELY not boring!

emma (while holding nate): hi nathan.  i'm emma.  i'm your favorite sister.

emma: mom, i need something to tie around my waist because my hips are being crazy.

i don't even know what that means.

emma: max, look!  i'm a princess!
max: i'm a ballerina princess!

you sure about that, buddy?

emma: mom, who made the ants?
me: heavenly father
emma: why is heavenly father being so crazy making ants?

good question.

max: i have a baby in my tummy! (he thinks because mom has a baby in her tummy, everyone has babies in their tummies).
emma: no you don't, max.  only moms can have babies in their tummies.
max: yeah! me too!
emma: no, max.  when i'm a mom i'll have a baby in my tummy but you're going to be a dad, so you can't have a baby in your tummy.
max: no, i'm going to be a mom and have a baby in my tummy.
emma: MAX! YOU CAN'T BE A MOM BECAUSE YOU'RE A BOY! YOU CAN'T HAVE A BABY IN YOUR TUMMY! MOM, TELL HIM HE CAN'T HAVE A BABY IN HIS TUMMY!
me: it's ok, emma.  max can pretend.
emma: oh, ok.  max, you can have a pretend baby in your tummy but NOT a real one.

-this argument lasted at least ten minutes longer as emma tried to convince max he could only have a pretend baby.  she's very correct about everything, so in her mind, max has to be correct too.

we went to a restaurant a couple nights ago as a family to celebrate mark's birthday.  the waitress told us they had lemonade, iced tea, and pepsi products, and then asked us what we would like to drink.

mark: i'll just have water please
me: same for me
emma: and i'll have lemonade!
max: i want pizza!

we couldn't help but start laughing.  we didn't know our kids were brave enough to speak to the waitress let alone order for themselves.

on mother's day, emma crawled onto my lap, gave me a big hug and stated, "mom, i love daddy!"  "hey! what about me?" i asked.  she smiled and said, "i love you a little bit."  happy mother's day to me.

kelli: max, you're just so cute!  i'm going to miss you so much!  can you come live with me?
emma: um, actually he stays here.
kelli: oh.  well, can you come stay with me, emma?
emma: sure!
kelli: awesome!  can you live in my cupboard?
emma: no.
kelli: why not?
emma: because i'm not a dish!

emma was looking up at the stars a few nights ago and pointed one out to mark:

emma: look daddy! a really bright star!

mark: that is a bright star

emma: that means a new baby is being born just like baby jesus!

we went to Park City to celebrate mark's dad's 60th birthday. we rented out a couple condos there because we were staying overnight. when we walked into the condo we were staying in emma asked, "is this kansas?" she thought we were moving into our new house. i wish the move were that easy!

emma: mom, i'm almost big enough to go to school!
me: yep. when you're five, you get to go to kindergarten
emma: yeah! and then i get to drive!
me: um, not until you're 16
emma: i'm almost 16.

whoa, slow down, little girl.

had a hard day this week, so i sat down on the bed and just started sobbing. emma crawled into my lap, wrapped her arms around my neck and said, "it's ok, mommy, everything's going to be perfect; daddy's going to be home soon!" i started laughing so hard i couldn't even remember why i was crying. thanks, emma.

emma was making me dinner with her play dishes and play kitchen. she stirred some stuff in a pot and then put it in the microwave and said, "ok, now you have to wait two months!" i started laughing because i'm pretty sure she meant two minutes, so i asked, "two months?" emma looked at me very seriously and said, "yes, mom. you have to be patient."

max woke up early from his nap today, and i wasn't feeling very well, so i put on a movie for him so i could rest for a little bit on the couch. unfortunately, max had other plans. his favorite thing to do right now is to "play baseball" (hit a large bouncy ball with a wiffle-ball bat). he kept pleading with me to play baseball with him, and i kept trying to explain that i didn't feel well and needed to rest. finally, i just ignored him and closed my eyes figuring he'd get the idea and let me rest. instead, he picked up the bouncy ball and threw it in my face from about a foot away. i opened my eyes to see his face right in front of mine. "MOM! WAKE UP! I. WANT. TO. PLAY. BASEBALL!" ok, ok, i'm up, i'm up. little stink.

emma's conversation with a friend:

emma: i love aunt marci. who's your favorite aunt? is it aunt marci?
friend: no. it's aunt taylor.
emma: hahahaha! taylor isn't an aunt name. it's an uncle name!

today in preschool we were discussing the idea that everyone is unique and has different interests. all the kids were given play dough and told to make something they liked with it (like a car or dinosaur). emma said, "i'm going to make aunt marci because i like my people."

me: emma, do you want to come help me with something?
emma: um, maybe you could ask dad.

at dinner a few nights ago, max watched me put some salt on my mashed potatoes. he then looked at his mashed potatoes, then back to the salt and said, "want some sprinkles too, please!" i pretended to put some on his potatoes. after taking a bite, he smiled and exclaimed, "mmm! yummy sprinkles!"

emma: "daddy, we're going to get married tonight. we're going to get married when i get big, bigger than mama. and mama will be the grandma!"

emma: "mom, sometimes daddy is naughtier than me."

emma (looking at a wedding picture of me and mark): is that when you married daddy?
me: yep
emma: oh. when i get bigger i'm going to marry daddy in the temple. and i'm going to wear a big white dress and a veil just like aunt kelli. and i'm going to have yellow flowers.

(emma's preschool teacher told me this one).
emma wanted to have a pink bowl at snack time but there was only one, and another little girl had already gotten the pink bowl. so emma's teacher found a pale orange one and assumed she could just convince emma it was pink.
teacher: here's one that's kinda pink
emma: this isn't pink
teacher: sure it is.
emma: it looks awfully orange to me.

sometimes max wakes up early in the morning (5 AM or so) asking for milk. a few mornings ago, i heard him crying in his room, so i went in there expecting him to ask me for a bottle. instead, i was greeted with, "mommy, want to watch spiderman!" sorry kiddo, but 5 AM is way too early to watch cartoons.

part of emma's dinnertime prayer:
"grateful that i could go to ballet today and learn how to dance and learn how to do ballet like this:" she then began acting out some of the dance moves she learned.

emma asked me to teach her how to bake a pretend cake, so i was giving her instructions like "get a bowl. now pour the cake mix in the bowl. now add an egg." etc. after she had frosted her pretend cake, i told her she could eat it.
emma: actually mom, it's for my kids.
me: oh. well your kids can eat it then.
emma: they're not here right now, they're at the store. but we need to make another cake.
me: why?
emma: because i have a lot of kids.
me: how many kids do you have?
emma: 15.
me: oh. that is a lot. what are you going to do with 15 kids?
emma: feed them cake.
makes sense.

max running through the house with his gun: "GET THE BAD GUYS!"

emma has been working really hard doing chores to earn money for this princess watch she really wants. on saturday we were mopping the floor together, and emma had been working REALLY hard, so after awhile i said, "emma, you've been working really hard. you can take a break for awhile if you want."
emma: "mom, i'm too busy cleaning to hear you right now."

emma's family prayer last night: "and please bless that max will learn not to hit people because he thinks it's funny, but it's not funny, and it really hurts, and he needs to learn that it's not nice to hit people, and please bless that he can learn to be nice to people."

last night when putting max to bed he called out, "good night choo-choo book! good night dumbo!"

emma loves telling secrets and hearing secrets so we usually tell her secrets like, "you're a pretty girl" or "i love you" and then she responds with a secretive "thank you." max likes to join in too, so he leans in close to our ears and then whispers, "secret."